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A man’s best friend is his wife! – Roger’s Story

I came across your website whilst googling for information to help me understand just what my wife would be going through both operatively and post-operatively. I must say I have found it extremely informative and helpful, I would definitely urge anyone who needs good advice and information to visit and sign up for the weekly hints and tips.

From my point of view, as a mere male, I would advise all men whose wife / partner is having to contemplate a hysterectomy for whatever reason to do a few things.

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Firstly, take the trouble to understand the female anatomy, this is most important. Secondly to go with their partner to all appointments from the initial consultation onwards. Do go to the hospital with her to give support and re-assurance on the day of the operation, go with her to the entrance to the operating theatre and then wait so that you can be there when she awakes and returns to the ward afterwards. Read all of the information that the hospital will supply and definitely visit The Hysterectomy Association website where even more advice can be found.

At all times be prepared to talk to your partner about how she feels, what exactly she is having done and how you can help, but most importantly always re-assure her that it will in no way change the way you feel about her. My wife is still a woman and still the woman I love and will always remain so, and I am glad to say that she knows this because I have told her so. I have been fortunate in having the time to spend making sure that life at home has been restful for her and have seen the benefits of ensuring that she has not done anything that she was advised not to do. I accompany her on a short walk each day and take each day as it comes.

I appreciate that this may seem strange coming as it does from a man, but I think that there ought to be booklets aimed at us so that we can help our partners by being armed with the correct and sensible knowledge from the start, and that they should be given out by the hospital staff at the first consultation.

Very many thanks for the support your site has enabled me to give to my very precious wife.

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in my own words book coverNow available on our online store and all other online book store’s. In My Own Words: Women’s Experience of Hysterectomy is full of many other real-life stories from women the world over.

Other people’s stories help women feel less isolated. They show that they aren’t going mad, missing the point or stupid.

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Linda Parkinson-Hardman

Transformational coach and founder of the Hysterectomy Association. Professionally I'm an information scientist who specialises in the adoption and engagement of digital technologies. I am a writer and author of nine books to date, and I've edited a further seven; phew what a lot for a Thursday afternoon :-)

This Post Has 7 Comments
  1. Hi Roger. I don’t know if you’ll pick this thread up as it is a few years old but in the hope that you do, I just wanted to give you the nod for posting in the first place.
    I too am ‘The Husband’ and like you, feel as though this is not just my Wife who is going through this – but both of us. I find it hard to understand any Husband who wouldn’t feel this way though I do appreciate everyone and every relationship is different.
    In actual fact it was me that found this group and joined as a paid up member in order to equip myself the best I can for what is to come.
    My Wife and I are both 39 years old, so as well as being ‘The Guy’, we as a couple have been finding it difficult to relate to a lot of the info out there as generally it’s directed at slightly older ladies, most of whom have probably had their kids.
    My Wife and I were not fortunate enough to have children as the reason for my Wife needing the op is to potentially save her life after the discovery of precancerous cells over the course of a couple of years.
    Another angle to our story which alienates us from being able to relate to others’ experience.
    I have been staggered at the lack of information and consideration for men having to watch their Wives go through this trauma. There’s a certain degree of feeling useless no matter how supportive you feel you’re being – I’m sure you appreciate what I mean.
    My Wife is due for surgery in just under three weeks after years of problems and to date, there hasn’t been a meeting or consultation that we haven’t gone to together.
    Also, luckily I’ve found this site in time to equip myself more readily not just for the op but the entire process before, during and after.
    So in short, thanks again for reassuring me I’m not ‘odd’ or ‘overprotective’.
    Like you I’m just a man trying to support his Wife as best he can through what is for both of us, an extremely testing time.
    I hope your story ended well and you and your Wife are now living life to the full.
    Kind regards,
    Chris

  2. After reading and hearing many ladies diagnosis of one reason that their consultant recommends hysterectomy, I find it very alarming that year’s ago I was told I did not have endometriosis, only to be informed,after recent investigations, I had endometriosis scaring years ago yet left to suffer. I have uterine fibroids, thickening of uterine wall also an ovarian cyst, heavy bleeding. I felt I had to almost demand a hysterectomy with removal of my ovaries. Today the national news reported, the area I live has 4% higher death rate from late diagnosis of gynaecological conditions. This doesn’t give me much confidence in my treatment, due to contradicting interpretations of investigations of my conditions passed and present. I am awaiting a hysterectomy operation after 5 months of agony. I pray all goes well, like many women who said hysterectomy was the best thing they ever had !

  3. Paula, I’m glad you have really good husband too. He obviously appreciates you, and I am sure he would agree with me too. Why not get him to post his feelings about your hysterectomy. You never know, it may help even more men to understand the support their partners will need to get through such a difficult time.

  4. I hope they were happy tears Susan, I’m nothing special really. I just say things as I see them. The worst time for me was waiting for Janet to return from theatre to know that she was safe and comfortable, the time just seemed to drag, I was glad I had taken a book and a couple of magazines with me to help take my mind off everything else for a while. At the age of 62 and after 35 years of marriage I just do what feels right, and it felt right to be there and show Janet that I love her, and will still love her for the wonderful wife she is. Hope your recovery is still progressing well. It’s nice to know that someone else appreciates the way I am though. x

  5. Roger. I too am lucky enough to have a very supportive very caring husband who I could not
    have done without over the last 11 days). I know not all husbands are as supportive perhaps because of their lack of understanding. I would echo your advice that all partners should read and understand what their other halves are about to go through, I am sure my hubby would agree.

  6. Crikey reading your story made me cry, what a lovely husband you are, mine is one of the best and was amazing after my op but even he couldn’t understand why i was so upset when he wasn’t there when i woke up after surgery, well done you x

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